I’m feeling pretty cynical today, so keep in mind that’s where thisresponse is coming from. 🙂
But first, the positive stuff: give yourself a pat on the back formaking the first step and communicating! That’s major progress!
Second, I’m not so sure it’s a bad idea to scare him with fearful numbers and show him he spent twice what was budgeted. If you do this in a kind and loving way, it might get through. I’ve learned that with some people (namely, my dear spouse) the nice, subtle messages just don’t work. Saying very bluntly “I’m worried about our expenses from last month–we spent double what we made, and I’ve got a real problem with that” might actually work.
Again, I really really empathize with you on this. We are going through similar struggles and it’s very frustrating. I’ll reiterate my plea to the group: if anyone knows the magic formula to getting one’s spouse on the same financial page, please tell us! Scare him to death, before reality and life does it for you.
I was studying for a class and must have been thinking about your situation in the back of my mind. Lately I’ve been trying to consider each purchase in the terms of how many hours I have to work to earn the money. Like my car bought a month ago is equal to what I earned by working 341 hours. Compare your husband’s purchases in terms of how many hours he works to pay for them.
For example, say he earns $10 per hour. He buys tools worth $1,500. He must work 150 hours or 3.75 weeks (40 hour work week) to pay for them. Or say the rent is $1,000 a month. That’s 100 hours or 2.5 weeks.
Don’t know if this helps you but it’s been helping me when I want to buy things. There’s a book I want to buy that is equal to 2.5 hoursof my pay. It’s the only thing keeping me from buying that book; thinking how long I’d have to work to earn the money to pay for it.